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Thursday, September 02, 2010

There are times we need to keep quiet and let nature take its course.

I know I've not been updating regularly.

Its not that I dont want to, since I'm so free but because I'm too overly packed with blank thoughts.

I dont know what to update on each time I reached this blogger page.

And I dont want to get shitty over my personal stuffs here.

There are some things better left unsaid.

Let only Allah knows.

Hari raya left only a few more days, and I'm certainly not prepared.

Not physically but emotionally and spiritually.

I've been having sleepless nights and by right, thats not suppose to be good.

For the first time ever, I'm not looking forward for raya.

Well, previously I was having that feeling too but this time its worse.

Theres no main factors affecting it, but theres alot of small ones and I just sum it all up.

One word, empty.

I dont wish ramadhan to end but as each day passes by, I'm becoming more afraid to see the presence of raya.

Am I weak? No, just the fact that, I'm trying my best to be strong and sincere.

Most dont really know what I went through.

I never share everything even if we're like very close.

Some things I rather keep to myself.

Like for example, I cried so bad each time when I miss my late elder sis/bro.

No one knows about that except myself and Allah S.W.T.

I dont know why I always felt that absence more apart from my other two siblings.

I miss him/her so much.

But in my mind I could only imagine him/her here with me.

And other factors, thats too personal to say it here.

I dont know, I felt like I'm forcing myself for raya.

This year ramadhan is different from other years, because even though there were too many obstacles, but alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the strength.

But I dont know what to look forward for raya.

I dont wish to have a new hairdo or new clothes or new make up or whatever.

I just hope that Allah would make this hari raya a meaningful one.

And that begins with....

Let only Allah knows.

InsyaAllah, anything that is good, Allah will make it come true.

Amin.

To arwah kakak/abang: Walaupun kita tak pernah jumpa tpi Mas rindu sangt D': Semoga arwah kakak/abang tenang di alam sana. InsyaAllah. Al- Fateha.

I miss you.

12:16 AM